Thursday

the recline



nicky, new york 2006


allie, bedford 2006


alexander, oxford 2005

Monday

Big Pun's embalmer

this may turn into a short story but for now here are the bare facts about my taxi ride this morning:

Got into the cab. Driver asked me how I was doing. I said ok. He asked how my weekend was. I said ok except I was kind of hit by a car yesterday. Told him how I was crossing the street, a guy making a u-turn hit my hip and wrist w/ his rear view window. It was really more of a side-swipe, technically. My driver tells me about two girls killed on 14th and first ave. last weekend at 5 in the morning crossing the street. He tells me about seeing "the safety guy" from channel thirteen (from the 80's or 90's) knocked off bike by a truck door opening and then hit by passing truck. We talk about irony of it. I tell a gruesome story about seeing aftermath an accident where a cab that had jumped a curb. He tells me about how he's from the South Bronx and how growing up in the "crime capital of the world" he saw people die often. Tells me about how he used to steal cars and one time decided to go joyride w/ friends in a stolen caddy. The car stopped suddenly and he was thrown 16ft through the windshield onto the West side highway. The police arrested them. He had a hairline fracture on his skull. His head was sewn up in prison by doctor there. They all served time. I didn't ask for more details about prison time. I made some comment that i thought it was awful police weren't sympathetic to injuries b/c they had stolen a car. Then he said, "This is kind of weird but i used to be an embalmer". Didn't hear him clearly the first time so he repeated it and asked me if i knew what that was. I got very animated and said I'd had a long conversation w/ another embalmer I had once met and was fascinated. I said she went to school for it and everything. He said he had also studied it. I asked him why he stopped and how he started. He told me how his father had "tricked" him into the job. His father bet him he wouldn't last there 6 months and said that if he did, he would give him $1000. He said you can make around $1600 a day. He told me that he worked as an embalmer for 15 years but finally quit b/c, after his daughter was born, it started to really bother him, particularly when he had to deal w/ children. We talked about toxicity, he told me about going every couple moths to Bellevue to have tests done. I told him i didn't think it was weird at all. The girl I knew was a puppeteer and studied and practiced embalming in order to learn more about the human body for her puppets. We both agreed that that was REALLY strange and that she was a freak. He told me about two horror movies about puppeteers. We both agreed that puppeteers are very creepy. I didn't tell him that the person i met was also named Pandora and had a tattoo of a key on her chest. I thought it was a little too much and would make me him doubt the credibility of my story. We returned to subject of embalming and I asked whether there were different ways of doing it that were healthier. He told me about how size matters and it's really gross to embalm fat people. Then he told me that he worked at the Ortiz funeral home and that he had embalmed Big Pun and Aaliyah's body guard. Big Pun was over 500 lbs when he died and it took them 8 hrs to do the job. He said the funeral was a circus and he thought Fat Joe (who he grew up w/) was disrespectful and acted badly when he ate a piece of pizza while there. He said it was like a mafia funeral where there were different groups w/ different reactions to the dead. He said a black kid walked up to the coffin, took off his shirt, and started bowing to the body, like you would to a god. He told me Aaliyah's bodyguard was 400 lbs. I told him about Damien Hirst and his formaldehyde animals that sell for millions. He said he wanted to check out the work. That he wanted to get into it if you people were buying it for that much money. I asked what lead to him quitting. He said that according to state law, embalmers are required to wear a suit and tie the entire time. We both agreed that was totally ridiculous. I always imagined them in lab coats. He told me about how formaldehyde burns your nasal capillaries so that you become hypersensitive to smell. He said his mom always made him come in through the back door and made him dip his arms in rubbing alcohol before going into the house. She didn't care how much he made, she didn't like that he was embalming. He told me one of the moments that led to the end of his work there, but i'm going to leave the story here.